I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
