I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
