i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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