I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
