I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
