The maid of honor just puked.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
