Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
