I want to walk on stilts...naked
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
