Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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