Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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