I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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