I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
