just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
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