You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
he was CRYING into my vagina
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
