New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
