Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
