Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
