her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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