im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
