i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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