my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
They should really pass out barf bags in church
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
