she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
