if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
