so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I've blown a few things in my day
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
