So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
