margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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