dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
