im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
did i just pee glitter
Randomize
