My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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