He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize