No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I love having hate sex.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
