I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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