If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize