...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
