UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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