I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
