just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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