As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
