Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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