and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
