it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize