she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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