How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Even my vagina gasped.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
