Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
