That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize