wake up i wanna do it froggy style
never play flip cup with pint glasses
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
