$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
