She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
