How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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