I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
