Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I would ride that face into the sunset
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
