peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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