Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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