Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
