Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Someone shattered a urinal.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
