I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
