remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
