He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just want nice things and good sex
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
