My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
