Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
