Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
