Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
