But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
