Can Purell be used as lube?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Randomize