when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
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