1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
