I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Randomize
