Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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