Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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