But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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