I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
