Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
