I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
